Pivots & Detours
“Life does come with a reset button. You just have to know where to look.”
Analog archiving has become all the rage in recent memory. Although generations have practiced the art of memory-keeping across a variety of media.
Creative journaling is one of my outlets. When I can’t seem to map out words, or quite capture the intricate topography of my mindscape, my trove of trinkets and ephemera help navigate through my dysregulation. Some collages communicate manifestations through vision boards, some paint a retrospection. Always birthing clarity — in step and in my stationery stash.
Others turn to vision boarding to “manifest” the life they want. Subconsciously, the mindscape pictured became a key or map to the next chapter of my life.
Exactly a year ago I came up with the collage above in one of my friend Summer Puertollano's Para sa Diwa workshops. At that point in my life I’ve been several years into solo living in a surf town in the northern Philippines. It also coincides with my first Saturn Return, a pivotal astrological period defined by self-reflection, growth, and transformative challenges. It usually occurs from the age of 27 through 30.
A week in my life in La Union was like a tropical fever dream. Chasing waves at sunrise or sunset, juggling side hustles, slow brewing coffee, running and working out, volunteering at my local marine conservation center, and lounging under the sun in my bikini whenever I wanted to. Of course I took jobs and projects that funded just enough to keep at the lifestyle. This was what my city-locked, burnout, high-functioning depressive journalist self dreamed of. Seaside Living Diaries.
What happens when the purple haze wears off? Yes, I’ve achieved what many hail as idyllic but at what cost? Deep down I was still an escapist in need of healing, and running away has lost its potency for remedy.
“Life does come with a reset button. You just have to know where to look.”
At newly turned 30, I was far from having my next move figured out. At 31, I am bewildered at the contrast between my selves across 365 days. All I can reveal now is I took a necessary pivot to reclaim the dreamer I lost.
Uncertainty is scary. But I would rather live through the grief than to drown in regret. I am in the business of turning “what if” to “what is.”
